Performative Males Are Good for Society
Over the last couple of years, social media has invented the term “performative male” to describe males who feign interest in things to attract women.
Wearing wired headphones? Performative. Reading a book in public spaces? Performative. Drinking matcha while doing it? Performative. Drinking matcha and reading a book while attending a Clairo concert?? Performative male final boss.
The term carries a clear accusation: Men who try to do attractive things in public are almost always faking it, for the sole purpose of seducing women.
The problem is that my generation is kinda sucking on a few metrics right now. We’re lonelier, we date each other less, and we’re more politically polarized than any recent generation.
I happen to enjoy sex. I think, judging by both stated and revealed preferences most other people do as well. You might point to the decline in sexual experiences as evidence against the revealed preference. I disagree. My generation is certainly not less horny. They have shifted their consumption bundle more towards porn and less towards sexual activity because the cost of the latter (speaking to women…) now outweighs the benefits more than it used to. This doesn’t mean men like sex less. The price of sex has risen relative to substitutes. Perhaps the risk premium of hitting on women is higher (see graph above). Or maybe it’s something else. Or a combination. Anyway, the decline in sexual experiences is a negative, not a positive trend, and you want me to get to the point.
So, the topic at hand. The trend has spiralled. The men who, amidst the dysfunctional dating market and polarized generation, are actually putting themselves out there and trying to attract women, are being clowned on! No less for taking an interest in their interests!
Let me make a claim: Performative males are actually an overwhelming net good for society.
Consider this example: Say a guy is reading The Sun Also Rises. He enjoys the book for the book’s sake. He could read it inside, but he says to himself, “girls like when guys read books, and chances are, I’ll be more attracted to the girls that share my interests. Maybe one of them will even be into Hemingway(!)” he tells himself in vain.
Say something even “worse” than that. Say he forgets his Hemingway and only has Kreysley Cole books. (my girlfriend tells me she is a prolific smut writer) Safe to say he isn’t really enjoying reading a book where sex scenes move the plot forward. However, he really really wants to strike up a conversation with women, and knows that reading it outside will of course increase the probability of such an event, as opposed to reading it in his bedroom.
Is this a bad thing?
In the counterfactual, he stays inside because he has no interest in attracting women. That means, on net, less conversations between like-minded people. Less men and women talking about shared interests, less dates, less holding hands, less kisses, less marriages, and so forth. If a guy is reading a book by Twain and a girl likes Twain, he is doing her a service by signalling he likes people who like Twain! That instantly smooths over part of the invisible wall between the sexes, one which seems to be building higher and higher with each generation.
Nor do I think this is fake or morally corrupt. First of all, most of life is performance. Why focus on this method of attraction when you could focus on the way people style their hair, their face, their body? Most people I know post their Spotify wrapped on their story every year. Most people I know act nicer and more interested, even unconsciously, when they’re talking to someone they have a romantic interest in. So is it manipulative to “perform” for someone else? I guess so, but so is wearing perfume. Why don’t we ridicule that as much as performative males?
People think that you can just be subtle about it and act cool in the corner, waiting for someone to notice you. Even that is a form of performance, but regardless, it’s unambitious and aesthetically inferior. Signal instead what you are interested in to draw people to you. Twiddling your thumbs waiting is not how our generation is going to get out of this “loneliness epidemic”. (Popular, somewhat dramatic term, yes. But directionally correct? Also yes.)
I was going to talk about how performative males embody the Nietzschean spirit of will to power, but I decided that was a bit much. In short, I applaud them for at least trying to bend social reality to their presence, instead of letting the world pass them by.
Anyway, counterargument: You could say that a part of it seems to be pandering to female approval. Not so Nietzschean!
In the world of romance, it’s always a bit blurry. Is it okay if 5% of the reason you play guitar publicly is because you wanna date someone? 40%? 60%?
Somewhere around the 30% to 40% mark seems right to me. And I would guess that it’s rare to find males over 3 quarters.
Think about it. It would take a peculiar person to walk all the way to a bookstore, spend 25 bucks on a book about feminist literature, and then walk all the way to a park in the hope of a 1 in 500(?) chance a woman happens to notice and takes you seriously. I would bet that the vast majority of the time, the performative male, if not doing it as a joke, is actually doing something they enjoy.
You know what let’s double down. I even think it’s a good thing if it’s 100% motivated by wanting to attract women. First of all, taking an interest in the activities of another group is a compliment, not an insult. I would be flattered if someone decided to start reading Bryan Caplan's blogography(?) because they wanted to hang out with me.
Second, if a guy starts reading feminist literature to get female attention, well, sure it’s not the best form of performative male, but we’ve got to start somewhere, people. The genders have diverged too much, and we now require radical solutions.
Yes, this is pandering. But much of initial courtships is pandering, too. Think of this as jumpstarting the car.
So instead of condemning performative males, we should all try to be more like them. We should try to be curious about the other gender’s interests. (which have become so polarized as of late). Even if only surface level, it is better than the status quo of complete gender interest isolation. It’s also an obvious good to show your interests on your sleeve. It creates more serendipity in your life, and more human connection.
In the gender polarization and fertility crisis that the world faces today, I’m afraid performative males are the heroes we need, but not the ones we deserve.
Banger